-
Chiron in Taurus
If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough. Am I the only one who thinks like this? It’s exhausting, isn’t it? More than that, it’s limiting. I don’t think anything I put out there will be perfect, will resonate, so I don’t put out anything. Then, since I didn’t do what I set out to, essentially doing nothing, I feel bad, and since I feel bad, I do nothing. It’s a cycle that has to break, so it might as well be here and now. Do the thing, even though I’m terrified. Admit that I have no idea what is going on. But isn’t that all of us? We do…
-
Challenge, Day 7/7
Today, I watched a video depicting a girl wiping down every airport and airplane surface with a clorox wipe. And as per usual, I ran to the comments, popcorn in hand. I was so curious what people had to say. One question stood out: “are you really actually OCD?” And for some reason, the resulting comments absolutely infuriated me. As someone who was officially diagnosed at 16, I’ve come to realize that most people really don’t understand what OCD is – or isn’t. They know what the initials stand for, but don’t seem to understand what it can actually entail. I remember being 16 years old, watching some news special…
-
Challenge, Day 1
“The real flex is how many lives you can positively impact. It’s not about cars, clothes, or clout. Influence means nothing if you’re not helping somebody to grow. The legacy you leave won’t be measured by what you had, but by who you helped. Real power is when your presence inspires action, when your story sparks change, when your content shifts someone’s mindset, and helps them to unlock a new level. You want to be remembered, make people feel seen. Make people feel heard. Share what you’ve learned.“ I recently heard this, but more importantly, I felt it. It sums up what I’ve been saying, thinking. Why I’ve been writing. …
-
When One Door Closes, Another Opens, and Other Clichés
Less than one month after celebrating five years at the company I worked for… I was unceremoniously let go. I suppose I have to caveat that the following is my experience, my thought process, after taking several days to process, reflect, and write constantly. Over several years, I had been given more and more tasks, more responsibilities, and recently was working ’round the clock to hit a deadline. When I received the meeting invite a few days ago, my heart sank. I knew. I knew that my time was up. I loved this job. It was in my very niche skillset, doing work that not a lot of people actually…
-
Nirav – 155:200 C20
My dad died, and while it wasn’t unexpected, I still wasn’t ready. A wise woman once said, “it’s always sudden,” and she’s completely correct. I knew it was coming for 5 years, and yet… it was still sudden. I think it’s the difference between knowledge and knowing, a lesson he taught me well. I miss him so much. Growing up, he was my best friend, my hero, the one who taught me lessons that few people ever learn, much less teach. He wasn’t like any of the other dads, which at one point probably embarrassed me, but as I grew up, I cherished that. Our relationship was unique – I…
-
A Real Life Horror Story
Did you know that today is cauda equina awareness day? Have you ever even heard of cauda equina? I hadn’t, either, until a red flag symptom led to a google search, which probably saved my ability to walk. Does that sound dramatic? It was. Usually, if it comes up in conversation, I simply tell people to google it, and let them come to their own conclusions. Right, wrong, I let them think what they will. Few people have been let in on its effects of my life. Sometimes, a part of me wishes that people, certain people, might care enough to ask, to pry. But truthfully, few people deserve to…
-
The Year Of Cringe
Seeing everyone post their New Years Eve photos, where they’re all dressed up, out at parties, kind of makes me mourn for the Amanda I used to be, and also makes me realize that this is, in it’s own weird way, the perfect start to this year. The biggest part of last year (or, y’know, yesterday) was admitting certain truths. Coming to terms with certain… inevitabilities. In this case, I’m referring to how little I matter. It’s not even something to be sad about… No pity. No poor me, or woe is me. Just coming to terms with something that’s simply a truth. I can hear you asking, “how can…
-
The Lion’s Gate Portal
Something in the air has shifted. Besides the fact that storms are rolling in, so it’s literally 20 degrees cooler than it has been, there’s also the astrological component. Today is the eight day of the eight month, and 2024 adds up to eight. If you believe in angel numbers, this is supposed to be a big event. All about manifestation and putting out good juju into the world. Interestingly, I first heard about this from a zodiac specific account I follow, which talked about the Lion’s Gate Portal and why it’s extra special this year, especially for my sign. It briefly touched upon new beginnings in abundance. I don’t know…
-
One Year Down, a Lifetime To Go
One year ago, my phone rang. “Dad” flashed across the screen, and I wondered… would I hear his voice on the other end? It was the same thought I had every time he called, and it had been that way for several years. Usually, I would be greeted with his low voice, saying, “hi Missy.” But this time the voice on the other end was softer, southern, feminine. And immediately, I knew. The call was to let me know that he was finally gone. What he wanted for so long had finally happened… but not in the way he had thought it might. Not in the way any of us…
-
Trying Again
Day one or one day? What am I even waiting for? That perfect moment that I know doesn’t exist? For some inexplicable reason, I always feel that everything I want to do needs to have such meaning. Why do I feel like everything has to be weighted in such importance? I highly doubt my miniscule existence even matters in the grand scheme of things. This feeling seems to affect everything I do… or don’t do. My feelings and thoughts betray me. I can’t just post something because I wrote it and want to share. No, I have to post at the perfect day, at the perfect time. Just doing it…