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OCD is Ruining my Life
A Retrospective. Every time I go to take a step forward, OCD shakes it’s germ-free finger and says, “Uh-uh. No no. You’re not ok, so anything you try to fix won’t be ok.” One thing about being officially diagnosed is you have to deal with people completely misunderstanding and misrepresenting what it actually means. Which, for someone like me, means you’re diminishing a huge part of who I am. You like things clean? Cool. Everyone has OCD tendencies. It’s not considered an actual diagnosis until it interferes and disrupts daily life. Flashback to summer 1999. It’s 80°, and I am wearing long sleeves, past my fingertips. I won’t touch anything…
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Wednesday Wins: Pt. 1; Ziggy
9 Sept Today’s Wednesday Wins will be a little inverted, because today’s win is also one of my greatest losses. Today, I lay my heart dog to rest. Ziggy was special. Everyone loved him. He was so popular around the neighborhood, I remember one time, a guy I had never even seen came up to say hi to him. When I probably looked on incredulously, he finally looked at me, and said ‘it’s ok, I know him.’ Yes, random person, but I, his owner, don’t know you (we have since went on to become friendly). The first dog that I rescued came to me at 29. My lucky number. Garnet…
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Who Are You, and What Are You Doing? (And by you, I mean me.)
Marketing myself is not my forte. I don’t know if it’s impostor syndrome, lack of marketing knowledge, or some third thing that I don’t feel like thinking about too deeply about right now. Not even an hour ago I was wondering what the point of what I call My Little Etsy Experiment was. Can this little venture become something? What am I even good at? I feel like I’m throwing things at a wall, just to see what sticks. And based on past behavior, I think I give up before anything has the chance to become something. I just received a notification: “Congrats on your sale.” Sale? I opened it.…
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Wednesday Wins
Hello, and welcome to Wednesday Wins. A new series where I give credit where credit is due, and pat myself on the back for any notable achievements I’ve had that week, big or small. Some weeks, like today’s inaugural one, might include bigger wins. Some weeks, simply leaving the house might be considered an accomplishment. A nice, midweek pick me up, a way to keep track, so that I can come back to it when I need a boost. Today’s win is actually twofold, but along the same theme. If you don’t already know, I like to create. I make things. Sometimes it’s bags, other times it’s paintings, and most recently…
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Trying To Put The Fun In Functional
Remember when I used to make things and sell them? I’m trying again. 1. I make items that some people think are beautiful. Some people think they’re functional. A few of you think that they’re both. And they are! I know this from personal experience. 2. I have So Much Stuff. Just in general, without even categorizing any of it. I live in a glorified studio and between two people and one dog, we just have too much. Someone, somewhere is going to want it. Even if it’s just from a sustainability issue. Because every day, I get closer to just trashing almost everything. 3. Support a small, almost business!…
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Who Are You, and What Are You Doing? (And by you, I mean me.)
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Loss and Other Unexpected Feelings
My dad is really, truly gone. He was really, truly gone the day he passed away. It’s been over 3 years. Ask me what I did yesterday and I probably couldn’t tell you (I often joke I have the memory of a goldfish), but I remember that phone call. That phone call took 5 years to come, so a tiny part of me felt relief; I no longer had to fear when it would happen. An unknown someday became a very concrete today. But my entire world ended, and yet, life around me went on. The world continued to spin, and people went about their daily lives like nothing changed.…
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They Say Honesty Is The Best Policy
I wrote this on Monday, and was too terrified to post it. Since writing is intensely personal, by putting it out there, I’m also opening myself up to being judged. On the other hand, those that judge me are probably people whose opinions I don’t value anyway. The whole point has always been: if I don’t practice, I won’t get better. So go forth and suck. No one wants to hear the truth. The truth is ugly, and painful, and people can barely deal with their own negative feelings, much less someone else’s. But the truth is: I am deeply unhappy. And I have no idea what would make me…
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Chiron in Taurus
If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough. Am I the only one who thinks like this? It’s exhausting, isn’t it? More than that, it’s limiting. I don’t think anything I put out there will be perfect, will resonate, so I don’t put out anything. Then, since I didn’t do what I set out to, essentially doing nothing, I feel bad, and since I feel bad, I do nothing. It’s a cycle that has to break, so it might as well be here and now. Do the thing, even though I’m terrified. Admit that I have no idea what is going on. But isn’t that all of us? We do…
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Who Are You, and What Are You Doing? (And by you, I mean me.)
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Challenge, Day 7/7
Today, I watched a video depicting a girl wiping down every airport and airplane surface with a clorox wipe. And as per usual, I ran to the comments, popcorn in hand. I was so curious what people had to say. One question stood out: “are you really actually OCD?” And for some reason, the resulting comments absolutely infuriated me. As someone who was officially diagnosed at 16, I’ve come to realize that most people really don’t understand what OCD is – or isn’t. They know what the initials stand for, but don’t seem to understand what it can actually entail. I remember being 16 years old, watching some news special…
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Who Are You, and What Are You Doing? (And by you, I mean me.)
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Challenge, Day 1
“The real flex is how many lives you can positively impact. It’s not about cars, clothes, or clout. Influence means nothing if you’re not helping somebody to grow. The legacy you leave won’t be measured by what you had, but by who you helped. Real power is when your presence inspires action, when your story sparks change, when your content shifts someone’s mindset, and helps them to unlock a new level. You want to be remembered, make people feel seen. Make people feel heard. Share what you’ve learned.“ I recently heard this, but more importantly, I felt it. It sums up what I’ve been saying, thinking. Why I’ve been writing. …
