Who Are You, and What Are You Doing? (And by you, I mean me.)

Marketing myself is not my forte. I don’t know if it’s impostor syndrome, lack of marketing knowledge, or some third thing that I don’t feel like thinking about too deeply about right now.

Not even an hour ago I was wondering what the point of what I call My Little Etsy Experiment was. Can this little venture become something? What am I even good at? 

I feel like I’m throwing things at a wall, just to see what sticks. And based on past behavior, I think I give up before anything has the chance to become something.

I just received a notification: “Congrats on your sale.”

Sale?

I opened it. Looked at the total. Wondered why it was so high.

They bought two items. 

It feels so good. Making beaded bag charms is extremely time-consuming. Honestly, I don’t think people realize how much time it actually takes. 

But in exactly 2 weeks, I’ve sold 4 items. Thus is the circle of creating. I make something, I love how it turned out. I make tons more. I try to sell them, to recoup some of the monetary losses, so that I can buy more supplies and make more things.

I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. “I’m pretty much a nobody.” “I don’t really matter much.” These feelings are why I create. They’re why I write, why I sew, why I paint, why I try to create as much as I can. For years and years, I’ve said that I want to take all of the pain, and all of the anger, and make something beautiful.

I will never have children. I’ve never had a maternal instinct. That’s not my legacy. Maybe I’m an artist. Maybe that’s my legacy.

Perhaps my work will hang in a museum one day. Maybe it will be inside of someone’s house. And they’ll look at it, and smile, and hopefully remember me.

Pretty much everything I make is for sale. Except my soul. And maybe my dignity, but I think for enough money I’d probably sell that too. If you’re reading this, thank you. And if you ever see anything I make that you like, please reach out. Treat yourself, or treat your friends.

Right now, all I have is word of mouth. Hopefully mine will be kinder to myself.