Challenge, Day 1

“The real flex is how many lives you can positively impact. It’s not about cars, clothes, or clout. Influence means nothing if you’re not helping somebody to grow. The legacy you leave won’t be measured by what you had, but by who you helped. Real power is when your presence inspires action, when your story sparks change, when your content shifts someone’s mindset, and helps them to unlock a new level.

You want to be remembered, make people feel seen. Make people feel heard. Share what you’ve learned.“

I recently heard this, but more importantly, I felt it. It sums up what I’ve been saying, thinking. Why I’ve been writing. 

It was exactly 2 months ago that I got laid off. And while it was just a job, it was a job that I loved and was proud of, so of course I broke a little.

And once the news spread, I received some of the nicest messages.

All that ran through my head was that quote from My So-Called Life: “Sometimes, someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.”

And for awhile now, it has felt empty. I’ve felt empty. I think it’s because I’m not living the life I want to.

These messages are from people who actually matter to me. Not people I was forced to be around, but those that I would choose. All I’ve ever wanted is to be surrounded by the people who care about me, those who bring out the best version of me.

Instead, I found myself in the middle of a life that I feel like I got swept up in, not one I chose.

Choosing is scary. If it doesn’t work, there’s no one to blame. Making a decision is terrifying, because what if it’s the wrong one?

According to my algorithm, today is a Day of Transformation. A transformation I think I have to actively chose for myself, since waiting around for it to happen hasn’t exactly worked out.

And what better way to transform, then to burn it all down, and rise from the ashes?

Why not start over? What do I have to lose?

I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to do anything, and doing what amounts to nothing. My body and mind were recovering from such a deep state of burnout, that it was all I could do to simply get out of bed. Which is probably why I tried to fill my days with lunches, walks, and any reason to leave my apartment.

But I think I’m finally on my way to recovery.

And I think this is the first step. Doing the things I want, holding myself accountable, and existing without worrying whose feathers I ruffle.

“You could lay down for people, and they’d still complain you weren’t flat enough.”

I’m tired of flattening myself. Everyone else is seemingly living the life they want, so I may as well take my turn, put myself out there, and break free of the chains I shackled myself to.

Honestly, I don’t even know if this makes sense. I don’t know if it’s cohesive, impressive. I do know it’s a lot of I statements.

I do know that it’s a start.