My dad died, and while it wasn’t unexpected, I still wasn’t ready.  A wise woman once said, “it’s always sudden,” and she’s completely correct. I knew it was coming for 5 years, and yet… it was still sudden. I think it’s the difference between knowledge and knowing, a lesson he taught me well.  I miss him so much. Growing up, he was my best friend, my hero, the one who taught me lessons that few people ever learn, much less teach. He wasn’t like any of the other dads, which at one point probably embarrassed me, but as I grew up, I cherished that. Our relationship was unique – I…

Seeing everyone post their New Years Eve photos, where they’re all dressed up, out at parties, kind of makes me mourn for the Amanda I used to be, and also makes me realize that this is, in it’s own weird way, the perfect start to this year.  The biggest part of last year (or, y’know, yesterday) was admitting certain truths. Coming to terms with certain… inevitabilities. In this case, I’m referring to how little I matter. It’s not even something to be sad about… No pity. No poor me, or woe is me. Just coming to terms with something that’s simply a truth.  I can hear you asking, “how can…

Something in the air has shifted. Besides the fact that storms are rolling in, so it’s literally 20 degrees cooler than it has been, there’s also the astrological component. Today is the eight day of the eight month, and 2024 adds up to eight. If you believe in angel numbers, this is supposed to be a big event. All about manifestation and putting out good juju into the world. Interestingly, I first heard about this from a zodiac specific account I follow, which talked about the Lion’s Gate Portal and why it’s extra special this year, especially for my sign. It briefly touched upon new beginnings in abundance. I don’t know…

For days, I have been trying to figure out what to say. I was every writers block cliché, where the writer sits in front of an empty page, or an empty screen, and after hours and hours of “work”, they cut to the paper, or the screen, and mayyyybbbbeeeee there’s a title written down. I’m not even sure why it ‘s so important for me to write. Maybe to get out of my own head for a bit. Maybe to try to memorialize who my dad was. Maybe it’s because my domain just renewed, and I must have previously had a promotional fee, because this charge was through the roof,…

Three years ago, everyone walked into the new year with such high hopes. Those were dashed pretty quickly. 2020 was written off as a loss, due to a global pandemic and too many environmental and social injustices. 2021 brought my infamous ER visit, emergency spinal surgery (x2), and hospital stay (x2). 2022 was a year of healing. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I felt more like myself than I have in the last decade, even though I am completely different.  Last year, I started physical therapy. I healed more than I thought I would when I first got released from the hospital, and yet haven’t healed as much as I had hoped. Who knows…

Every year, people around the globe celebrate – with the best of intentions – what is really just another day. So many resolutions! “New year, new me!” they exclaim, as if they needed to wait for this event to make a change. Well, new year, same me. Except I’m not at all the same. One year ago, a lot of people were hoping that 2021 would be more reminiscent of 2019 than 2020… we blinked, and it’s 2022 (hopefully not 2020, too). A few years back, I decided to have a theme, instead of making resolutions. Last year, the only thing I wanted was a new job. And I’m pleased…