-
Plateau or Progress?
It’s been exactly two years and two days since my (first) surgery. Two years to the day for my second. Over the last week, it’s hit really hard, as it periodically does. Everything will be moving forward, and then something will happen to push back progress. Sometimes it’s a physical setback. Sometimes, it’s mental. Often, it’s both. Last week, while trying to prove my worth, I overexerted myself and hurt my back – not to the point of where I was several years ago, but enough for it to affect me both mentally and physically. Enough for the people around me to notice that something was up. I came home…
-
New Year, Still Me. Cheers to 2023.
Three years ago, everyone walked into the new year with such high hopes. Those were dashed pretty quickly. 2020 was written off as a loss, due to a global pandemic and too many environmental and social injustices. 2021 brought my infamous ER visit, emergency spinal surgery (x2), and hospital stay (x2). 2022 was a year of healing. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I felt more like myself than I have in the last decade, even though I am completely different. Last year, I started physical therapy. I healed more than I thought I would when I first got released from the hospital, and yet haven’t healed as much as I had hoped. Who knows…
-
See Me As I Am, Not as I See Myself
For the last few months, I’ve been trying to hide. Uncomfortable with all eyes on me, I’ve often changed or toned down things to appease others. I’ve hidden parts of myself that I found… unsavory. I haven’t even posted anything because I didn’t think anything I wrote was good, or any thoughts I had were valid. A part of it is being a perfectionist while trying to be everything to everyone else. I’m never included in the collective everyone, and yet, I should be high up on my own list. It’s not selfish. Even though I’ve been told it is. Unless others want to put me first, why shouldn’t I?…
-
Make Way For May
Ever have a day with an insurmountable to do list, and instead of checking anything off of it, you take a nap? Rest. Self-care. Relaxation. In a state of almost meditation. This was my Sunday. Fitting for Mental Health Awareness month. There’s so much to do, to reflect on, and to push forward with, this month and always. It’s been awhile since I’ve written, and I think it’s because I haven’t wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Over the last three months, I took myself out of my comfort zone (a.k.a. home) by leaving it. Road trip to NC. Brunch with the girls. Axe throwing. A NYC excursion (food and…
-
New Year, Same Me
Every year, people around the globe celebrate – with the best of intentions – what is really just another day. So many resolutions! “New year, new me!” they exclaim, as if they needed to wait for this event to make a change. Well, new year, same me. Except I’m not at all the same. One year ago, a lot of people were hoping that 2021 would be more reminiscent of 2019 than 2020… we blinked, and it’s 2022 (hopefully not 2020, too). A few years back, I decided to have a theme, instead of making resolutions. Last year, the only thing I wanted was a new job. And I’m pleased…
-
Don’t Settle for Acceptable, Strive for More
Please read Part 1, here, and Part 2, here. I had quit one job to focus on my health and recovery. But time off could only last for so long. I had come across another job that ticked some boxes, but the further along in the interview process I got, the more boxes it checked. While it was currently remote, the office was local. A convenient commute for whenever the time comes to return to in-person work (and NO MORE commuting to NYC! I don’t think I realized how much of a toll that took until I stopped doing it). After three separate interviews with different team members, I liked them all. They…
-
The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions
Please read Part 1, here. I had needed a break, and I was handed one. Now, I just needed to use the opportunity. And then, something serendipitous happened. I found my dream job, at my dream company. What were the odds? I worked to revamp my resume, wrote a cover letter, and mailed it off first thing one morning. Within hours, an interview had been set up. It went well and checked all the boxes: interesting work, nice people, and I absolutely loved the product. Leaving the office, I felt really good. It was the first time in months. Around the same time, I had an interview with another company, doing work similar…
-
There is No Band-Aid For Happiness
Today’s point of gratitude is simple: I’m grateful for my current job. Of course, in order to understand why this job is a breath of fresh air, I have to go back and recount the road to getting there. My first “real” (read: office) job was an interesting experience. I was good enough to be offered a promotion after 6 months (not taken, as the new position wasn’t a job I was interested in). One year after that, I was let go, seemingly out of nowhere. Being young, this really messed with my head. My next job, on the surface, was a dream. And I excelled at it. One year,…
-
Hooray for the Arts
Day 2. 3 points of gratitude. Why is this so easy on some days and so hard on others? Sometimes it’s like grasping at straws… but, like anything, the more you do it, the easy it gets. Right? Music. Especially during work, I like to play music for background noise. It started when my previous boss put on CBSFM (bonus points if you know that station), which we bonded over. Thanks to open floor plans, when I left that job, I didn’t listen to music during work again… until working from home became my norm. And I forgot how much I love it. Sometimes, I randomize my playlist. Sometimes, I…
-
30 Days of Gratitude
Isn’t it so great when a new goal happens to line up with an important date? Like, say, the first of the month? Since November is associated with Thanksgiving, I’ve decided, not for the first time, to keep a gratitude journal, but this time to make it public. Y’know, for accountability. I’ve always fallen on the pessimistic side; somehow, I’ve managed to train myself to look for the bad, and I succeed admirably. I need to start looking on the flip side, and start focusing on what I do have, while I have it. If the past few months have shown me anything, it’s that things disappear in an instant.…